Controlled crying versus attachment parenting
When I was growing up - but even when I was studying Psychology in the 1970s - the accepted way to deal with crying babies in the Western world was to ignore them. In the more "enlightened" age we are supposedly living in there is a new technique: controlled crying or, now, controlled comforting. In Australia we have an organisation which, with Federal Government funding, is promoting this technique. Below I quote from their approach:
"Despite concerns about potential harms to the baby, no studies have shown any psychological or physical harm from using controlled comforting or other behaviour management techniques described on this site. In fact, follow-up studies have shown that babies who have undergone controlled comforting are more likely to sleep better in the short-term and are as well adjusted as their peers in terms of behaviour and sleep in the long-term".
"How to implement controlled comforting
Establish a consistent bedtime routine (see Positive bedtime routines). When it's time to say goodnight, put your baby in his cot and tuck him in. Either talk to and/or pat your baby until he is quiet, or for one minute.
As soon as your baby is quiet, or after one minute, say goodnight and leave the room. Leave before your baby is asleep.
Stay out of the bedroom and give your baby a chance to settle by himself. Ignore grizzling. If your baby starts to really cry, wait for the set amount of time before going back to your baby (e.g. two minutes at first).
Leave your baby for a sequence of set time intervals (e.g. 2, 4, 6, 8 and 10 minutes, or 5, 10 and 15 minutes). Set your own intervals of time based on how long you think you can manage.
After each time interval has passed, return briefly to your baby if he is still crying. Talk to your baby or pat him for one minute, or continue talking or patting until he is quiet (depending on your preference). Try to soothe him without picking him up if you can.
Keep an eye on his nappy. If it is soiled, change him under low light and with minimal fuss. As soon as he is quiet (or after one minute), but before he is asleep, leave the room again and wait for the next set time interval. What you are trying to do here is give him the opportunity to learn to go to sleep by himself.
This process is continued until your baby falls asleep by himself. When your baby wakes overnight, follow the same routine.
Some other important points about controlled comforting
Controlled comforting takes between three and 14 days to work.
Use a clock to time intervals; four minutes can seem like a very long time.
Turn off all baby monitors.
Don’t wait outside the baby’s bedroom. Go into another room. Distract yourself. Make a cup of tea and turn on the TV. Only go back to check the baby when the set time is up.
Talk to your partner first to make sure that you both agree with what is going on. Work out what role each of you will play (e.g. helping with resettling, timing the intervals). Consider taking turns each night".
"What if my baby vomits?Up to 20% of babies may vomit during controlled comforting. These are often the more feisty babies. If this happens, quietly and calmly clean up any vomit from the bed and put a clean nappy wrap under the baby’s head. Avoid making a big fuss, turning on lights, or completely changing the baby unless absolutely necessary. Otherwise, some babies learn to vomit each time they are put into the cot".
"What if the baby is in pain?Many parents are concerned about teething causing pain. If you pick up your baby and he settles almost immediately, it is very unlikely that he was in pain. He just wanted to be picked up. You can give paracetamol (Panadol) if you are concerned. Paracetamol takes about 20 minutes to work, so babies who settle after that may have been in pain. If you have persistent concerns about your baby being in pain, talk to your doctor
Are you using the strategy correctly? To check, re-read the steps described here. Is there anything that you are not doing, or could do differently? Perhaps check with a professional who understands the use of this strategy.
Are you returning to your baby too soon? Are you following the time intervals exactly? Are you using a clock? Have you got something that you can do to help you cope during the intervals?
Is your support network supportive? Not everyone agrees with controlled crying. Disapproving relatives or acquaintances are one thing, but if your partner or other close support people are not in agreement, then it will be difficult to carry through with the strategy. It’s best if at least the people in your household can agree on a consistent approach. Perhaps another strategy like camping out may be more acceptable?"
There are many ways to respond to such an article. At the end of the day, however, I feel that anyone who can write such things simply does not understand babies or their needs and certainly has no insight into themselves. Parents and would be parents need to ignore such advice and trust themselves to respond appropriately to their babies.
On the other hand, as may already be obvious from the previous post, while I am a strong advocate of what is called attachment parenting, I am just as opposed to "attachment parenting" advice, for similar reasons. The next post will examine this question - of giving "attachment parenting" advice to parents, especially mothers - in detail. I will explain why I feel so strongly that giving even "good" advice is misguided and, ultimately, counterproductive.
"Despite concerns about potential harms to the baby, no studies have shown any psychological or physical harm from using controlled comforting or other behaviour management techniques described on this site. In fact, follow-up studies have shown that babies who have undergone controlled comforting are more likely to sleep better in the short-term and are as well adjusted as their peers in terms of behaviour and sleep in the long-term".
"How to implement controlled comforting
Establish a consistent bedtime routine (see Positive bedtime routines). When it's time to say goodnight, put your baby in his cot and tuck him in. Either talk to and/or pat your baby until he is quiet, or for one minute.
As soon as your baby is quiet, or after one minute, say goodnight and leave the room. Leave before your baby is asleep.
Stay out of the bedroom and give your baby a chance to settle by himself. Ignore grizzling. If your baby starts to really cry, wait for the set amount of time before going back to your baby (e.g. two minutes at first).
Leave your baby for a sequence of set time intervals (e.g. 2, 4, 6, 8 and 10 minutes, or 5, 10 and 15 minutes). Set your own intervals of time based on how long you think you can manage.
After each time interval has passed, return briefly to your baby if he is still crying. Talk to your baby or pat him for one minute, or continue talking or patting until he is quiet (depending on your preference). Try to soothe him without picking him up if you can.
Keep an eye on his nappy. If it is soiled, change him under low light and with minimal fuss. As soon as he is quiet (or after one minute), but before he is asleep, leave the room again and wait for the next set time interval. What you are trying to do here is give him the opportunity to learn to go to sleep by himself.
This process is continued until your baby falls asleep by himself. When your baby wakes overnight, follow the same routine.
Some other important points about controlled comforting
Controlled comforting takes between three and 14 days to work.
Use a clock to time intervals; four minutes can seem like a very long time.
Turn off all baby monitors.
Don’t wait outside the baby’s bedroom. Go into another room. Distract yourself. Make a cup of tea and turn on the TV. Only go back to check the baby when the set time is up.
Talk to your partner first to make sure that you both agree with what is going on. Work out what role each of you will play (e.g. helping with resettling, timing the intervals). Consider taking turns each night".
"What if my baby vomits?Up to 20% of babies may vomit during controlled comforting. These are often the more feisty babies. If this happens, quietly and calmly clean up any vomit from the bed and put a clean nappy wrap under the baby’s head. Avoid making a big fuss, turning on lights, or completely changing the baby unless absolutely necessary. Otherwise, some babies learn to vomit each time they are put into the cot".
"What if the baby is in pain?Many parents are concerned about teething causing pain. If you pick up your baby and he settles almost immediately, it is very unlikely that he was in pain. He just wanted to be picked up. You can give paracetamol (Panadol) if you are concerned. Paracetamol takes about 20 minutes to work, so babies who settle after that may have been in pain. If you have persistent concerns about your baby being in pain, talk to your doctor
Are you using the strategy correctly? To check, re-read the steps described here. Is there anything that you are not doing, or could do differently? Perhaps check with a professional who understands the use of this strategy.
Are you returning to your baby too soon? Are you following the time intervals exactly? Are you using a clock? Have you got something that you can do to help you cope during the intervals?
Is your support network supportive? Not everyone agrees with controlled crying. Disapproving relatives or acquaintances are one thing, but if your partner or other close support people are not in agreement, then it will be difficult to carry through with the strategy. It’s best if at least the people in your household can agree on a consistent approach. Perhaps another strategy like camping out may be more acceptable?"
There are many ways to respond to such an article. At the end of the day, however, I feel that anyone who can write such things simply does not understand babies or their needs and certainly has no insight into themselves. Parents and would be parents need to ignore such advice and trust themselves to respond appropriately to their babies.
On the other hand, as may already be obvious from the previous post, while I am a strong advocate of what is called attachment parenting, I am just as opposed to "attachment parenting" advice, for similar reasons. The next post will examine this question - of giving "attachment parenting" advice to parents, especially mothers - in detail. I will explain why I feel so strongly that giving even "good" advice is misguided and, ultimately, counterproductive.
posted by Andrew Reiner at 10:50 PM
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